The problem of in-laws is the one that many wives wish did not exist in marriage. The reason being it's the bane of many ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law often dislike their mothers-in-law and hardly any daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to say about a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they may not need one once they marry their husbands. Real estate law
Many mothers-in-law are often regarded as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In several homes across the planet, especially in African settings, there is usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You can find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on a single hand and the mother-in-law on the other hand. To have the ability to provide understand the reasons for the conflict, it's pertinent to assess the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, come right into marriage, fully prepared for battle predicated on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and should be put inside their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of the in-laws and have figured the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a partner has a type and loving mother-in-law, she would misconstrue precisely what the mother-in-law says or does.
A wife could have an illusion that after her husband marries her, she must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is based on a scripture that says that '' A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation of the scripture, they seem to forget that the same scripture commands that 'a person should honor his parents''
A sensible man won't abandon his parents while he married a wife. He must continue to relate using them and to provide for them. However, his relationship using them should not allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in many places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is just a product of an African's cultural values particularly the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is just a beautiful and commendable cultural system which allows a member to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this method is just a member's assumed directly to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the proper to meddle in the marital affairs of a son except the son grants them the power to do so. Such powers, when given are often abused and the mother-in-law is the principle culprit. A son who grants rights of interference to his relations is actually lacking in maturity and is still in bondage to his parents i.e. tied for their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men are not just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the capacity to take full responsibility for one's actions and to manage one's challenges
There's a world of difference between a wholesome respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men do not seem to understand this difference. A son who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has turned into a area of the problem.
Some men are emotionally attached for their parents especially their mothers and this is actually the loop that the mother-in-law takes advantage of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law desires to be loved and accepted by her son. She desires to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the most intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers are generally very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may experienced rough and difficult marriages inside their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace inside their children to comfort them and take care of them. They may have suffered a whole lot and had borne numerous indignities to coach and mention their children. They'd see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a young woman appears on the scene to remove her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to appreciate that whenever her son gets married, she now is one of the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to truly have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law might find as rivalry and competition.
Therefore the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a struggle for the eye and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can not be pleased or satisfied with a daughter-in-law. It is sometimes out of envy particularly when the mother-in-law had a tough and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a pleased and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely enthusiastic about the welfare of the son that your daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
